I know... sorry, I'm back

OK, I'll level with you.

I tried to write every day, it just didn't happen. I think I went back to work after Christmas and it all went tits up.

So then - where are we? Oh yes, still none the wiser to all this being a dad lark. The evidence is as follows:

* So far, a great deal of sickness on her part (just feeling sick, not being sick, which is better I guess).
* Not the slightest sign of a bump so far (although we're not really expecting that at all, to be fair as it really seems a bit unreal anyway still!)
* Various foodstuffs appearing in cupboards and fridge which are very worrying - sugar free raspberry jam has appeared, and I'm not sure it was there before.
* Doctor still hasn't carried out any tests at all and seems to take our word for it that there's a baby in there although we're still to be convinced.

So, not much has happened, as I predicted.

However, we now have our plan to tell people. Yes, it's got to about 12 weeks now - well, that's just a guess really as the medical profession seem intent so far on not actually doing anything at all - so we're at the stage where we think it might be ok to tell people - and, frankly, she'll have to tell work soon as she'll need time off to go and do the appointments and stuff.

So - she's away next week on holiday with her dad. This is the scariest bit, and I can't be there which in some ways you might think is a good thing. However, I'll just be nervously flitting about at home wondering if he'll think it a terrible thing. Am sure he won't, but I guess you never know for sure.

So she gets back at the weekend and we'll go see her mum... should be easy. Bet we're wrong.

Then it's her job on the Monday, close friends from then on and full blown public advertisements at the end of the week... heehee.

So the website says it's about the size of a thumb at the moment. Allowing ourselves to get a teeny bit excited - but still don't want anything to go wrong so am deliberately holding back I think. Don't really know how to feel, therefore.

We were in Mothercare at the weekend; basically to buy a present for a friend of her's baby. Weirdest thing - everyone else in there seemed to be so expert, so together, as if they knew exactly what to do. I looked at some of the clothes - I mean, how do you know how to dress this thing? What do we need to get in the way of bottles, nappies, cleaning things. I don't know, I haven't a clue. Still. I keep expecting someone to pop up from the government and talk in hushed tones about their role with the Department of New Parents. At the DNP, they take new parents aside and coach them, help them spend a few tonnes of cash and make them do an exam, under strict examination conditions, before the baby is allowed to come out. If you don't get the required grade, they don't let you have them, surely.

I fear I may be wrong. But standing in Mothercare, with all this stuff around me, I just felt so amateur. Dads were coming in, expertly collapsing and reassembling pushchairs; mums laughed conspiratorially in the corner; everyone seemed to be looking at us thinking 'oh, they can't have kids, they look all wide-eyed'. I'm sure I looked about 12 wandering about the place; although it can't have helped that I became very excited at the wooden train.

So, after the initial fear and excitement, it's all calmed down a bit really - except the sickness is still with her. Would hate to feel that way all the time, but it looks like we're due it to end soon. Hope so... seems we've got a lot to do.