She's here

I thought I owed it to this blog to let you know she's here. Baby Emilia is in the world; and she is beautiful and amazing. No, really.

I have to go away now and work out how to be a parent. Like I said right at the start - as if I have the faintest clue.

Bye.

And we're almost there!

Look, I'm sorry. I meant to write every day but as I said last time, not much happens every day, so you'll have to excuse me. What's happened since we last spoke? Went to Turkey for a great holiday in a great hotel with great food and, well... it was a great time.

We moved house. We're in, I've decorated absolutely everywhere including painting 2 of the rooms where we've had the ceilings re-plastered. Damn that Artex stuff.

So we're less than a week away. Oh my god.

We have a pram, and a car seat. We also have an LCD television in our bedroom. No relevance to baby, but it's great for watching Jeremy Kyle in bed when skiving off on the state like the hordes of unwashed scum that do exactly that but have no excuse. Am looking forward to claiming back my £100 a week for paternity leave for 2 whole weeks. Woohoo. Like that covers my salary. Still, can't complain. I do have a job.

Baby is wriggling around in there quite a lot now. You can feel the shape if you concentrate hard. Any day now, another new person will be in the world.

You know what? I hope she enjoys her life. Whatever it is, whatever she does, I hope she enjoys it. I worry about my rapidly ensuing baldness; but it doesn't really matter when so many precious lives are removed from the world in ways we can't imagine. Nothing I do at work, nothing I imagine or care about can come close to what this little girl will feel, will do and will experience throughout her life. I hope every day is full of joy and smiles. I wish my one wish that she shall never suffer abject hardship or pain. I shall do my best to protect her while allowing her to make mistakes and learn through them. I will always be there in whatever way I can to help her make the very best from her life.

What will this feel like? When she's here, what will it feel like? I don't know yet, and it's weird. If I'm doing a project at work, I know how it will progress, how it will end. But right now, I have no idea how I will feel when this new life is with us.

Those cats are in for a mighty shock.

See you soon.

Woah! And I meant to write every day. Dammit.

So, it's been a while since I wrote. I did mean to write every day but - well, frankly - not much happened every day. I thought it would. 280 days of rollercoaster. But until, like, just now it's been a bit slow. Don't believe the crap in the books - it does take forever and it's *not* over in a quick flash!

So here we are. Let's try to recap the last 3 months.

Scan was good, eventually. The first time we went we didn't get good enough pictures so the radiologist could measure, so we had to go back. Funniest thing - they make you (the pregnant one) drink 2 large glasses of water an hour before you get the scan - so she's sat there, the radiologist is running late and she's desperate to pee. Actually, not funny, but one of those things I guess designed to remove most of your dignity in the health service!

So we got round to doing boring stuff like choosing a pram (easier to choose a car or, say, fly to the moon on a surfboard). Car seat is almost sorted, we've done Ebay for a bunch of clothes. We're trying to move house this month too (nice timing, well done). So we've been sorting that out too.

Bump is bigger but not as big as some of her friends with similar times to go before the big day. I think because she's normally tall and slim that makes it look smaller. I don't know, I'm just making this stuff up.

So far we've had no ante-natal classes because we can't find anywhere that's got space. So we don't know how to change a nappy yet, or why the baby cries, or anything really. Life hasn't really changed since the end of December. I know not a lot more now than I did then and, well, I guess I could be scared about that but I'm not. What's the worst that can happen?

Anyway, sounds like I'm in denial...! No, I know it's going to be a huge, life changing thing. Just don't know exactly how just yet.

Anyway, EDD (estimated due date) is August 12th, so watch out... I might write again before then!

Still not much to report

In the books and the online articles, they all tell you it goes by so quickly. You find out she's pregnant - next thing you know you're holding a gurgling crying thing. Not so here. Almost nothing has happened, still.

Still no sign of a bump! Well... maybe there is, but it's difficult to tell. There's perhaps a bit more of a roundness.

We told my mum & dad at the weekend, along with a bunch of her friends. The weirdest stuff appears to be happening, too. A friend of her's has been going through IVF and has so far been unlucky - but it seems suddenly she's pregnant too, although we haven't told her our news yet. Another friend of her's from college is expecting her second in November and her oldest friend from childhood is also pregnant, due in August too.

What did they put in our food?

We have a date for the first scan which seems like a real milestone - March 22nd. It really doesn't feel that real yet, it really doesn't. Everything is still the same. Literally nothing has changed in the way we are living our lives; but I guess we are planning a bit for what's coming. We're trying to move house but can't find anywhere just yet - we need to be closer to where she works.

She's still feeling a bit sickly which we thought might have gone away by now, so that's a little annoying. Maybe when the bump finally starts to appear it'll go away!

Stumbled into Mothercare again at the weekend. God that place is frightening.

Hey, it's out there

OK, it's been a whirlwind few days.

Went to see her parents on Saturday. It was all kind of rushed really, not like I'd imagined really. We turned up at her mum's about 6 o'clock for dinner. Sitting around before dinner, there was a break in the conversation; she said 'well, we have some news' at which point her mum said 'oh, you're not having a baby are you?'

Well, there was that moment where a whole bunch of panic runs through your head; it turned out ok, thank goodness. Her mum seemed to need a little time for it to sink in, but I'm assured she was actually pleased, even though it didn't look that way. I suppose if you creep up on someone with that kind of news, it's not going to be received in the way you expect it to!

So we had dinner and it was kind of late before we got back to her dad's house. He was still up, and her stepmum came down when we arrived. It was after 10, so I thought we'd stay over and tell them in the morning, but she decided to do it then and there - funniest thing ever, really. Not sure his reaction was entirely what I thought it'd be either, but I guess you can't predict these things. He was pleased, that was apparent - just I think the timing isn't quite perfect.

Today we pretty-much told everyone else, and it's suddenly becoming really real. Actually, the whole dynamic has changed a bit. It's gone from being this little secret we've had into this whole public thing. Seems like I'm losing control of it a bit. So many people emailing and calling to talk - mostly to her, which is understandable! Seems like it's becoming less to do with me in a funny kind of way.

First midwife visit was on Monday - apparently, she was able to hear the baby's heartbeat and she's going to have a blood test next week (week 16) for working out the risk of Down's. Scan is in a few weeks.

So, nothing happens for weeks and everything happens in a few days. Guess this is where it all starts!

Starting to tell people...

Ok, so it seems like aeons ago that we found out, but we're now telling people. Hope it's all going to be ok once we see the midwife now. The morning sickness is still here, so I guess the theories of phantom pregnancy can subside!

Sunday I went to see some old college friends; on my own, she's had the flu as well as the sickness so we decided I'd go it alone. Strange thing - there was this moment's silence and I said, "well, I have some news". I said, "well, in about six months time, I'm going to be a dad".

There was that millisecond of silence before the reaction which was very amusing. Everyone was very pleased, and the horror of what we haven't done soon became apparent when one couple, already parents to two lovely boys, started reeling off things which we should maybe have done that we just haven't done yet.

She also told her work today as an official 'hey, I'm off in a few months' line.

Parents this weekend, then. If she's well enough. The flu really knocked her out and it's still affecting her. What a rough combination.

Got to find our new house and sell this one too. If it's not shifted in the next month or so, I think we'll have to go rent back where we need to be.

Still don't know what I'm doing - that government department will be round shortly, I'm sure.

Not exactly to plan so far...

OK, so we had this plan to tell everyone, but it's all gone arse-up at the moment. She decided not to tell her dad while she was away on holiday with him; so we decided we'd do it this weekend instead, along with her mum, and they'd be the first people we told. Trouble is, she now has flu and is sick in bed. So whether we'll get anywhere this weekend is doubtful.

Bizarrely, I told the first person in the world I've told so far today. It wasn't a friend, or family - just the anonymous lady on the supermarket checkout. She asked if I needed the 'vouchers for schools' thing - I said I didn't and she said she knew that I wouldn't as I didn't look "stressed like a parent!" So I suddenly said - 'well, it won't be long - got the first one on the way'.

Felt weird, having not told a soul myself at all and having known about it for nearly 6 weeks now. A bunch of my mates from college are having dinner on Sunday evening and we're supposed to be going so we can tell them there but it might just be me, depending on how the flu is.

In the books it tells you time flies by. So far it has not. It's been positively slow. There's not even a bump, she hasn't seen a midwife yet and frankly as we haven't told anyone it still doesn't feel real. Conversely it feels like about three years' ago that we found out and took that test, but it was just 6 weeks ago.

Got scared today about something else; how do you make sure your kid doesn't grow up to be a git? What if it likes to wear hoodies and beat up old ladies? Take drugs? What if it's a girl and she gets pregnant at 14? How do you stop that kind of shit happening? I have absolutely no comprehension of my potential parental power; am convinced there is none.

I read a book where the bloke in it said that most men were disappointed when they found out they were having/had had a girl baby. Bizarre these blokes who can't envisage life without a son. I will love and cherish my child just the same if it were a boy or a girl. It matters not to me, and I can't believe it does matter to some people. Weirdos.

Anyway, that's it for today. Off to get scared by 'Brat Camp 3' on Channel 4. What if...?