Very slow

It would appear that the road towards parenthood is happening very slowly.

Although I am very scared that we're suddenly going to run out of time - like I'll wake up tomorrow, and it'll be August.

I know... sorry, I'm back

OK, I'll level with you.

I tried to write every day, it just didn't happen. I think I went back to work after Christmas and it all went tits up.

So then - where are we? Oh yes, still none the wiser to all this being a dad lark. The evidence is as follows:

* So far, a great deal of sickness on her part (just feeling sick, not being sick, which is better I guess).
* Not the slightest sign of a bump so far (although we're not really expecting that at all, to be fair as it really seems a bit unreal anyway still!)
* Various foodstuffs appearing in cupboards and fridge which are very worrying - sugar free raspberry jam has appeared, and I'm not sure it was there before.
* Doctor still hasn't carried out any tests at all and seems to take our word for it that there's a baby in there although we're still to be convinced.

So, not much has happened, as I predicted.

However, we now have our plan to tell people. Yes, it's got to about 12 weeks now - well, that's just a guess really as the medical profession seem intent so far on not actually doing anything at all - so we're at the stage where we think it might be ok to tell people - and, frankly, she'll have to tell work soon as she'll need time off to go and do the appointments and stuff.

So - she's away next week on holiday with her dad. This is the scariest bit, and I can't be there which in some ways you might think is a good thing. However, I'll just be nervously flitting about at home wondering if he'll think it a terrible thing. Am sure he won't, but I guess you never know for sure.

So she gets back at the weekend and we'll go see her mum... should be easy. Bet we're wrong.

Then it's her job on the Monday, close friends from then on and full blown public advertisements at the end of the week... heehee.

So the website says it's about the size of a thumb at the moment. Allowing ourselves to get a teeny bit excited - but still don't want anything to go wrong so am deliberately holding back I think. Don't really know how to feel, therefore.

We were in Mothercare at the weekend; basically to buy a present for a friend of her's baby. Weirdest thing - everyone else in there seemed to be so expert, so together, as if they knew exactly what to do. I looked at some of the clothes - I mean, how do you know how to dress this thing? What do we need to get in the way of bottles, nappies, cleaning things. I don't know, I haven't a clue. Still. I keep expecting someone to pop up from the government and talk in hushed tones about their role with the Department of New Parents. At the DNP, they take new parents aside and coach them, help them spend a few tonnes of cash and make them do an exam, under strict examination conditions, before the baby is allowed to come out. If you don't get the required grade, they don't let you have them, surely.

I fear I may be wrong. But standing in Mothercare, with all this stuff around me, I just felt so amateur. Dads were coming in, expertly collapsing and reassembling pushchairs; mums laughed conspiratorially in the corner; everyone seemed to be looking at us thinking 'oh, they can't have kids, they look all wide-eyed'. I'm sure I looked about 12 wandering about the place; although it can't have helped that I became very excited at the wooden train.

So, after the initial fear and excitement, it's all calmed down a bit really - except the sickness is still with her. Would hate to feel that way all the time, but it looks like we're due it to end soon. Hope so... seems we've got a lot to do.

Shaved for the first time in 10 days

That was unsettling in a way - realised yesterday that I hadn't shaved in a while and worked out it was probably Christmas Eve that I last shaved. It had got to a very itchy stage, and work started properly again today, so I thought it probably wise to shave it all off. Face feels very soft.

Anyway, I digress - apparently the sickness wasn't so bad this morning but it got worse tonight. And they call it 'morning' sickness. Tsk. Apparently it's like travel sickness which must be just the worst.

We chuckled together this evening when we both realised we kept forgetting about it and then suddenly realising.

So, anyway... not much happened again today. I fear as if many of these entries might say that...

I keep using the word 'odd' lately

For the purposes of this blog for now, I think I'll call the other half 'Mabel'.

Odd day. Mabel left early for work and I had to get up soon afterwards to get on over to see the folks and drop off the Christmas presents and do the dutiful thing. Bit weird not seeing her all day til I got back. She went straight to bed, having to get up early tomorrow for work again. Still a huge sickness and the 'not good news' that it might get worse for about two weeks. That's utterly crazy, feeling sick for some much time. Just wish I could have some of the sickness for her to give her a break.

So I saw the folks and talked about stuff, anything but this. Felt strange being so far away, was glad to get back. Still having trouble thinking about normal life stuff like work.

Can't think of any other different ways to write 'this is bloody scary' so, until tomorrow...

A new year that'll change everything

First thing we did today was go for a walk in the winding country roads near our house. It actually felt quite energising - what with me not doing much exercise normally - and it was good to get out in the fresh air and contemplate. It had that new year's day feel to it. Cold but bright, quiet and calm.

After a dash to the supermarket to pick up strawberry jelly and grapes, we kicked around the house feeling weird again for a bit. The sickness is still there - quite bad sometimes. It's so odd, there's absolutely bugger all I can do about it. We're trying everything but not much seems to have much effect. The chinese accupressure wristbands are likely to be next to useless, as I secretly thought actually. £7.50 into the cackling man at Boots' pockets. Laughing all the way to the bank every time some buffoon buys into the alternative psuedo-medicine twaddle. Obvious, really... I mean they actually spend money & do real research on real drugs! Try peer-reviewing these bloody wristbands and see what you get.

New Year's Eve, by the way, ended with us both asleep by midnight and then waking up as the cretins in the street let off fireworks on the stroke of midnight. Fireworks - I mean, come on. What kind of a waste of money is that? Here's my £200 - please set fire to it now.

So, sorry about the Victor Meldrew stuff here. I am cheerful, honestly.

So I have to do the Christmas visit to the folks tomorrow. Really weird as I can't say anything about all this just yet... really odd keeping this all to ourselves.

Not sure how my thoughts are developing with regard to being a parent, although it's pretty bloody scary even writing that! So I guess that answers the question... we went for pizza tonight with some friends and there was this table where there were four kids under 4 and four adults. The kids were screaming the place down at that sonic pitch which just makes you wince... how do they do that? I couldn't hit that note if I tried. Anyhow, it made me laugh - the peace of this suburban house is going to be fairly hugely shattered not too long from now, all being well.

Have ordered pregnancy books from Amazon for delivery to home - we normally send deliveries to work as there's always someone there but thought it'd be best if these came here in case they got accidentally opened... oh, the hilarity.

A friend said a while back that when he had his first child he stopped, unintentionally, giving a monkey about his cats. Seems sad - I hope that won't happen to me as I love my cats! I can hear the knowing nods of parents everywhere now as they say quietly "hey lad, you just wait and see.." Oh those know-it-alls...!